attn; those who dont give a shit

I grew up with siblings, but I never learnt to share. What was mine, was mine. Questions weren’t asked, no one tried to debate with me or offer some sort of compromise. When something was mine, no one else got to touch it. No one else was allowed to feel that sort of attachment to it. It didn’t matter what the ‘it’ was, because it was mine and that was all that I cared about.

I’m now reaping the consequences of my little overindulged, selfish childhood. I don’t like it. I know I’ve said it before, but I am possessive. It’s a character trait that I have, and that I’m not going to be able to get rid of. I’m not clingy, or smothering, but I will love you whether you make me smile or leave me in tears over your fuck ups. I can’t help it. I need people to realize this. I get attached. I stay attached. You become mine.

But of course, I won’t tell you this. I have weird hang ups about affection. I can’t show how much I really care. I’ll joke around and act as nonchalant as ever, never letting on that you mean the entire world to me. Not letting on that your ignorance hurts, or that what I really need you to do is give a damn about me. I’m not just talking about romantic situation either; this applies to all of my friendships as well.

Did I write this out so I could sound like some spoiled brat who wants attention? No, but I’m a bit scared that it might come off that way.

I wrote this out because I hate the fact that I care so much, so fucking much and no one seems to notice. I’d go to hell and back for a lot of people.

Maybe this is just meant to be a reminder – don’t take people for granted, and don’t leave someone hanging when they’re trying to reach out to you. Don’t assume you know how someone feels. Don’t avoid the little people.

Don’t assume someone isn’t lonely, because they probably are.

From
Mistakenly Misled